As part of my career break, I’ve made it my mission to learn as many new things as possible. I want to take this opportunity to open my eyes and ears to different perspectives. I’ve left Facebook and I’m scrolling Guardian long reads instead. There’s an intimidating pile of new books on my bedside table. My diary’s packed with all the meet-ups and events I couldn’t fit in when I was working.
What impeccable timing that a week after my last day at work, I found myself at the Women of the World Festival. It was a privilege to hear wisdom directly from women from diverse fields of politics, journalism, business, the arts and civil society.
I can be so guilty of sitting at the back of events, flicking between email, Twitter and what’s happening on stage. For the whole day — or nearly the whole day, I’m only human — these awesome women held my full attention.
“When you’re smashing the patriarchy, some of the bricks are going to fall on your head.” Sophie Walker, leader of the Women’s Equality Party.
I loved listening to Sophie talk on the panel about women politicians and online abuse. While the incredibly impressive Tulip Siddiq described herself as a “tough cookie” and Anna Soubry said, “I don’t have the fear gene,” Sophie admitted, “I’m thin skinned.” It was so refreshing to hear a women leading from a position of vulnerability and show leadership redefined as something softer and more human. As a fellow thin-skinned person I could identify.
The fact that women in the public eye are subject to online abuse isn’t news, but hearing the panelists share their stories was still shocking — Jo Swinson read a vile letter sent to her at the Houses of Parliament. The threat of sexual violence is an attempt at control and it’s a credit to these women from across the political spectrum that they won’t give in. There was a consensus that social media companies can do more, but WOW Founder Jude Kelly also encouraged us all to participate in the solution — is it time for a Twitter strike?
We shouldn’t send women to prison for being poor
One of my favourite women in the world, and someone I’m delighted to call a friend, Naϊma Sakande, was speaking on the panel ‘Women Behind Bars’ about how the criminal justice system is failing women. Apart from binge-watching Orange Is The New Black, I hadn’t given the topic of women in prisons much thought before now. It was sobering to hear the stories of women who had spent time in prison — the vast majority of the time their crimes are non-violent and motivated by domestic violence, poverty and abuse. Women steal to feed their families and avoid paying bills like the TV licence and council tax because they simply don’t have the money — instead of helping them, we lock them up.
Naϊma works for the Centre for Criminal Appeals — this amazing organisation stops women from going to prison in the first place. Right now they are are campaigning to have the law changed to stop women going to jail for failure to pay their council tax. You can find out how to support the campaign here.
“The trouble with me is that for a long time I have just been an I person. All people belong to a We except me. Not to belong to a We makes you too lonesome.” Carson McCullers.
That amazing quote was shared by Bryony Gordon — Telegraph journalist and author. I wasn’t familiar with her writing before, but I might be Bryony’s new biggest fan. She joined Hanna Assafiri, Helen Walmsley-Johnson and Rosie Boycott on a panel about shame — something that’s been used to control women for far too long.
We heard how shame can be caused by a gap between the expectations we place on ourselves and the reality we experience — ‘because I’m a woman I should have the perfect house, job, family and lifestyle’. Truth is the antidote to this kind of shame — like vampires, we can kill it by bringing it out into the light.
The panel spoke about different catalysts for shame — poverty, addiction, abuse, violence, obesity, low self-worth. Shame exists because of an absence of power and one way to counteract that is by finding our tribe — our We.
Don’t act small. Forgive yourself
The final panel of the day was, ‘The Real Lives of Business Sheros’. Chaired by Jude Kelly and India Martin, they were joined by seven women who flew across the Atlantic to give an all-American take on how to be a successful woman in business. From banishing imposter syndrome to authenticity and work-life integration (because it’s impossible to find 50/50 balance) they ensured the day ended on a high. It was also brilliant to see a panel which was made up of over 90% women of colour.
The aphorisms abounded and I was left with two phrases reverberating in my mind. The first, ‘Don’t act small’. When have I let others diminish or undermine me? Or when have I done this to myself? The second, ‘Forgive yourself.’ What mistakes do I still need to let go of? Like many of the things I heard at WOW Festival, these two need more reflection.
